Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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