There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
