Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
