he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You are the jesus of drinking
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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