Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We need to get me chipped asap
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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