Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
