This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
