question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
