Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize