Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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