i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
