who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
