I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
