I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
