im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
