your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I would fuck him just for his dog
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
