can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
