at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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