drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
