Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my being single is dangerous.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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