Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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