I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got inside last night via doggy door
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
