we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
