So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We named our party play list daddy issues
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
