How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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