ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
