Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
