I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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