Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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