we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
