I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
