no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
