I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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