Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
