dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
