just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
