the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
