i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
