Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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