Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
