Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
