I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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