There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
