You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
