im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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