): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
