I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
