So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
