If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
