lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
