# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
