So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
