These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
