don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
