I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
