It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
