We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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