last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
