Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
