kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
