Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
