Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
