im six kinds of drunk right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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